Writing Tip #1: This is not a proper sentence.

Exact excerpt from the Kindle short story, I WISH SHE HADN’T COME BACK by Lee Hodkinson.  Current price is FREE.

Rachael would often think ‘I just want to go upstairs and listen to some music,hmm a bit of Two door cinema club would go down well right now or even stick a half decent movie on maybe P.S I love you or a bit of fast and furious anything but this shit’ but Rachael rarely ever did she felt a pang of guilt like she was abandoning her mother in this hour of need watching ‘shit’ she didn’t want to leave her mother on her own and she would eventually find herself commenting with her mother on the ‘crazy’ shit the Z-list celeb was about to partake in.

This is a perfect example of why self-published authors have a bad reputation.  A simple edit would have dramatically improved this story.

My edit (using context from surrounding sentences):

Rachael thought that she should go upstairs and listen to some music, perhaps a bit of Two Door Cinema Club.  No, she was more in the mood for a movie like P.S. I love you or Fast and the Furious.  Anything but this shit she watched now.  Yet the guilt of abandoning her mother caused her to stay on the couch with her mother night after night.  She found herself  commenting to her mother about the crazy shit the Z-list celebrities did on the show.

Be kind to your readers and respect your fellow authors.  Don’t self-publish without revising.  Don’t self-publish without having someone else revise.  Find both beta-readers and editors.  Repeat as many times as it takes to make YOUR book look as polished as one found on any library bookshelf.  If this is your first novel, readers will NOT consider your second.  Neither with publishers or anyone but your mother.

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